People often ask me what it was like working with the great Cheryl Klein (delightful!) and how I responded when she suggested I cut or rewrite scenes (jump? How high?). Yet Cheryl encouraged me to stand my ground if I felt strongly about something.
But claiming that you want to keep a scene just because you “liiiiiiiked it,” wasn’t good enough. Let me give you an example. Below is a scene of that got cut from Cleopatra’s Moon. A young Cleopatra Selene wakes up in the dark burning to confront her parents (Mark Antony and Cleopatra) about something. The larger scene stayed in the book, but Cheryl wanted me to cut the following portion. I argued for not cutting it. Why? Because I wanted some lighter moments in an otherwise fairly dark book. I wanted to “show” Cleopatra Selene’s spunkiness. I wanted to make the reader chuckle or at least smile. Here’s the scene:
So, was ‘mastication’ a real word? Did the soldier just not know the word, or was Selene wrong?
@e–I meant it to show that while it was/is a real world (masticate–to chew), she got it confused with “castrate.” And that she’s so young and full of herself, she doesn’t realize it at the time…
I really enjoyed this and it was fun reading something new about Selene. It was so easy to slip back into her skin!
I’m not looking forward to the day when my editor tells me to cut something that I love, but at least I have warning that it will happen. *sigh*
Great example! I love getting to see this part of the process. Although it’s a cute scene, I can’t really picture it in the ‘flow’ of the book.
I think you should have had her chew him up and spit him out! Just kidding!
It’s fun to see the process behind the beauty!
Wow! I’m amazed. I would have wanted to keep that bit, too. It’s funny and it gives the little girl…agency. 🙂 So not only do you have to give your character agency, you also have to remember why the teen-aged Selene is remembering back and only give her agency that works with the bigger picture. Writing books with all the parts working together is really tough.
Thanks for sharing the lesson with us.
@Book Vlogger–thanks, Lindsey. Good luck with your project!
@Ashes–now I see that but I didn’t then!
@Jo–ha! I like how you think!
@Sally–that “working with the bigger picture” is hard for us to do when we’re so close to it. Thank goodness for editors!
I remember a guard who confronted Selene in the hall, so maybe you got to keep some of it..or my memory’s on vacation. I have to kill off 4 (four) darlings whom I added in a rewrite that didn’t work. I wasn’t counting on repainting my office, but it’s hard to work with blood all over the walls!
@BJ–There was a guard who confronted Selene in the hall–it was just this exchange between them that got cut…Good memory!
Yeah, I guess the motto with our “little darlings’ is not to get too attached.
But still. I find myself working a scene six ways to Sunday so I can keep a bit that I love. Only to trash it in the end.
And though this scene’s cute as a button, it just didn’t fit. But I’m glad you saved your stuff, Vicky. Maybe someday you’ll write a Cleopatra Selene Meets Justin Beiber in an Ancient Past Meets the Present mashup. Something tells me you’d masticate that up!
Thanks for sharing. Sometimes we are just so close to our work. This is what great editors are for.
@Cathy–“Masticate it up”–love it! You always make me laugh.
@Karen–exactly. Thank goodness for editors who tell it like it is!
It’s easy to get attached to certain scenes or words. It is helpful to see some of the sections that were cut. I enjoyed reading the book.
ah yes, kill your darlings. I was attending a workshop in Taos, NM once. Walter Jon Williams wrote on the blackboard: “Kill your children.” The workshop was held in the lobby of a ski lodge. You should have seen the expressions of the next unsuspecting couple to check in. They thought we were Satan worshippers! Love that scene as published Vicky.
It never would have occurred to me to cut that scene — but your editor’s argument is totally spot on! It sounds like you had a GREAT one in her!
This was very helpful, Janice. Thanks!! We get so attached to certain moments that are clever or funny, that make us feel good about our writing in general, and it’s hard to judge them in the context of a completed work. I will keep this post in mind when editing future work (since so far there is no editor to do that for me).